Breaking my silence

I've been silent for a while now, with more going on in my mind than I could really put to words.  I get that way sometimes.  I shut the world out, shut down, and go AWOL, other than my facebook posts that let everybody know I'm alive and kicking.  It usually follows a Wednesday therapy session, and I go into shut-down mode. (And, guess what! tomorrow's Wednesday!  And it's a two appointment Wednesday!  Yippee!) Then the migraines come and get me.  And I really ignore the world.   I then get worried, yet unanswered, calls from my mother, annoyed messages from others, and understanding--but wistful--messages from my sister.  Two weeks can go by in the blink of an eye!   See, I do this hermit thing.  No, it's more like ...  Did you see Nim's Island?  Jodi Foster's character?  Yeah...  like that, but not quite as bad--I have yet to break down and do that crazy African dance she does.  YET--it does look like fun, though.  But if I'm not careful, I could easily slip into that agoraphobic, bat-shit crazy, scared of her own shadow lady.  These are the side effects of not dealing with and barely even acknowledging childhood trauma and abuse shit until your thirties.  Don't do it, people.  The past few years, getting into counselling, have probably been the best and worst thing I could have done--now that I'm in a position to do it, and feel "safe" to do it.  But at the same time, the falling to pieces in my head thing--not cool.  And crashing cars, violent neighbors and restraining orders, hiding from psycho family members--it just adds to the pretty picture that the past few years have painted.  And we all know how I feel about winter anyway.  I don't drive, I don't like to leave my house (and never without my husband--the world is just too scary a lot of days)...  I like the world inside my house.  It feels secure.  The dogs and the full gun cabinet help, I suppose.  :)  During the day, it's me, my baby boy, the dogs, whatever activities and chores we've got to keep us busy, and the evenings and weekends, we're generally all together.  Really, really hoping moving out of the state helps with some of my security and lack of safety feelings.  Miles and miles of open land, with no bad connections to it really has a strong appeal.

On a good note, today is a celebration of my favorite food in the entire world.  Happy National Peanut Butter Day, Everybody!

So.  I'm back!  Expect more from me.  Big news going on in the Pit Bull world that needs to be shared with everybody.  BSL is being taken on in Florida and Ohio, and Best Friends is behind it!  Woo-hoo!